Making the once known known again.

(Theme from) Valley of the Dolls

1967 Motion Picture Soundtrack

When I was 20 years old I was desperately in search of my identity.  I had spent the majority of my life up to that point being a follower.  I just wanted to be cool and fit in.  I would downplay certain aspects of my personality and even forego things I was interested in because they weren’t “typical.”  When I turned 20 I knew that it was time to stop being a follower and start being myself.  The problem was that I had no idea who “myself” was.  Like I mentioned in last week’s excavation, all I knew for certain was that I was a free spirit with no desire to answer to any man.  In my eyes at that time there was no freer spirit than the one belonging to Lenny Kravitz.

Lenny really embodied freedom for me.  He dressed how he wanted, wrote and sang the kind of music he wanted, and did it while preaching a message of love and unity for all.  I was sold.  Man-crush established.  In my quest to be Kravitz-esque I put some muscle on my wiry frame, grew a curly afro and got my ears and eyebrow pierced.  In 2001 if you told me I wasn’t Lenny Kravitz, I would have rebuked you in the name of Jesus Christ.  Thankfully, I didn’t remain a Lenny imitator for long.  Using his persona as a starting point, I came to understand who I was and which parts of myself I needed to show the world.  Instead of running from it, I began to embrace my identity as a unique guy who could not be put into a box.

A song I played a lot during this period of searching was “(Theme From) Valley of the Dolls” by Dionne Warwick.  It was written by Andre’ and Dory Previn for the 1967 film “Valley of the Dolls.”  The movie deals with trying to find one’s place in the world and the song tackles the same theme.  With lyrics such as “Gotta get off, gonna get off of this merry go round/Gotta get off, gonna get, need to get on where I’m bound,” the writers paint a picture of this identity struggle a lot of us go through.  The song was produced by Burt Bacharach and became one of the biggest hits of Warwick’s career, peaking at number 2 on the Billboard Hot 100.

I was talking to a friend the other day about being stuck in a rut and not being who he was intended to be.  I was immediately reminded of this song and played it for him.  While listening I thought of at least 10 people who are going through similar identity issues. I chose to excavate it this week because I thought maybe one of you needed to hear it as well.  We all have a purpose and even though I know what mine is, I still need to be reminded at times.

How about you?  When/how did you come to realize your identity?  Are you still searching?  Do you have times when you forget who you are and need to be reminded?  Where do the reminders come from?  Tell me your thoughts.

 *Thank you all so much for making my vision of PopExcavators a reality.  This is only our fifth article and I’ve already seen so much fruit from these efforts.  Special thanks to Mark Champion and Nicole Yancey for all they’ve done to bring this dream into fruition.  If you have a dream go after it now.  Someday never comes…..*

See you next Monday!


36 comments on “(Theme from) Valley of the Dolls

  1. Michael
    July 2, 2012

    When I left private school and entered into public school it seemed as if it were the mission of my peers to prove to me that I was not the norm. From the way I talked to the way I blindly choose my friends not based on color but connection to extra curricular interest every part of me seemed offensive to many. My identity however, had blossomed in the years prior in a much freer, less judgement filled environment. Because of that, I couldn’t even begin to fit in if I tried. I had no clue how to be what they wanted me to be. How exactly does a black guy talk? The experience was everything from lonely at times to down right horrific. However, I, by nothing but the grace of God made it through with my identity in tact. During college it continued to strengthen. It seems with every new phase in life the attack changes, becomes more refined. But, as long as I am grounded in Christ I’m good. As long as I am in fellowship with other believer’s that have the mind of Christ, I’m great. It’s when I begin to wonder off on my own that I get amnesia.

    • PopExcavators
      July 2, 2012

      Your story sounds a lot like mine. Thanks so much for commenting.

  2. Michelle
    July 2, 2012

    Ryan! This post is AWESOME! I, too, grew up with interests that were “not normal” and people would constantly ask me, “so….are you from this area!?!?” LOL! I got laughed at because of the way I dressed, the music I loved, the way I spoke, etc. It was ridiculous. I spent a lot of time feeling insecure about who I was because of all the rejection I encountered. I did go through a period of trying to figure out who I was and a period of separation from others where I spent a lot of time alone figuring out what I truly liked (apart from the crowd and group think mentalities). I also believe that the only person who can truly tell me who I am is the One who created me, so I spent a LOT of time with God and allowed Him to show me who He created me to be. I gradually got to a point where I began to accept myself and love myself for who I was – good, bad, ugly, and the beautiful. I just embraced it all and whomever wanted to ride with me could ride with me. Whomever couldn’t handle Mitchy Mitch, could catch another bus. Today, I am the most comfortable with myself and with who I am, and I know bits and pieces of what my purpose is, and YES, at times, I surely need to be reminded! The reminders normally come from GOOD friends, mentors, my Pastor, and God. 🙂

  3. Nate Pruitt
    July 2, 2012

    This was the single weirdest post I have ever read about hippies, houses, Phish, drugs, travel, touring, drills and brides. However, it does tell a story that is critical- the matter of coming into the fullness of being oneself. I have seen you struggle with this, but I’m glad that you are fighting for living within more of who know yourself to be and less of your Kravitz alter ego. Dreams truly are worth pursuing. Let me know if you want to contribute or share one of your posts as part of the current #fear2freedom synchroblog I am doing this week. Your words are meaningful, as are your dreams. So thankful to know you and see your life as a testament to God’s continuing work!

    • PopExcavators
      July 2, 2012

      Thanks Pruitt. Do you want some milk? It’s 2 percent. I’d love to contribute to your synchroblog. Let me know what I need to do.

  4. eazytaughtu
    July 2, 2012

    You’re speaking to my heart now! I think that I’ve always had a strong sense of self, but I didn’t understand how to truly own that and use it to my benefit. It’s not enough, I’ve learned, to simply know you but it’s the first piece of the puzzle. I love the melancholy tone of the song. The lyrics truly capture the inner monologue heard by us all when who we want to be is so different from who we’ve become. Thanks for this post RC! Also, thank you in advance for helping put my blog.

  5. PopExcavators
    July 2, 2012

    Thanks for commenting. What do you think are the other pieces of the puzzle?

  6. Lisa Lingani
    July 3, 2012

    Well I can honestly say..I have always went against the grain and I still do… Never was one to imitate others..although i may have followed a few..I stayed true to myself and even today when I run into old freinds, they always say the same thing.. you haven’t changed..You are still the funny, crazy some what off beat girl of yesterday.. I’m one of those types that don’t care what people think about me..because I love the quirky me and as long as it works for me..I guess I will be alright 🙂 I’m an Aquarius,,,loveable, adorable, unforgettable. Have a blessed day!!!

    • Brea Dawn (@i_am_Brea)
      July 3, 2012

      I love me some Lisa, too! 🙂

    • PopExcavators
      July 3, 2012

      Thanks for commenting Lisa! It took years to embrace my sensitive, artistic Pisces nature but now I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

  7. Dani
    July 3, 2012

    Congratulations on the completion of your first month! I’ve enjoyed each post and look forward to more. Identity is an interesting topic. I think it is a constant life long struggle to stay true to self and personally don’t know anyone that doesn’t dish out bite sized portions of themselves dependent on the environment a great deal of the time. Let’s be honest, most of us are programed to be master chefs serving up what each of the various audiences we “entertain” can easily digest and find palatable. How many of us have been asked “how are you?” and said fine when in reality we are not. How many of us have turned a portion of ourselves off in just the past 7 days in order to fit into what is deemed as appropriate in a social situation. The dawn of mediated communication AKA Facebook, Twitter, Skype, Text, and IM has driven us further into our holes. On top of being master chefs many now hold doctorates in PR/Marketing. Spin doctors creating what we view as an ideal picture of self to push virtually to thousands of “friends” with whom we have no real connection or relationship.

    A character on “Grey’s Anatomy” towards the end of the season “came out”. She admitted that she was a Christian. That she was in love with Christ and that she had kept it a secret because of fear her peers in the medical community would shun her. She was probably right. The fact that she was a virgin has been the subject of ridicule for the past 2 seasons adding Christian who believes the power of prayer trumps medicine to her list of lables would not have been received well. As political correctness and the cookie cutter nature of the Mcdonaldization of society implodes you have to be one serious soldier to stay true to self and let the real you roam free. Even being free in Christ when amongst other Christians is tricky business as you have to navigate through doctrine, misinterpretations, don’t do this when your with them because this group believes this. It is not easy. It is not a cake walk. Everyday it’s a battle between the REAL YOU and a blood thirsty demon Cyclops named “Assimilate”. He is not to be taken lightly. He is out to lead you gagged and chained into dead end jobs, unhealthy co-dependent relationships, depression, addictions, loveless marriages, an a life completely void of joy. He is a professional at making you numb, dumb and blind until you leave your name behind and take on his. Being you is in no way simple but it is worth fighting for with everything you have.

    • PopExcavators
      July 4, 2012

      Bringing the heat! Thanks for reading and thanks for the kind words.

      I agree with you that so many of us are chameleons who adapt to whatever social situation we’re in. It can be a tough journey to realize and embrace one’s true self but it’s worth every rocky step.

      • Dani
        July 6, 2012

        Your welcome! LOL @ bringing the heat. As “Black Swan” mentioned the world we live in is full of definitions and pre-set molds. The thing is there is something deceivingly comforting about these molds. Your readily received by others, you are deemed acceptable, on track, in some cases holy, righteous etc. The alternate path often leads to “looking” foolish. Pride and fear are Assimalate’s chief imps. He is liar. Even though the path is rough it is well worth it. IT has to be..I haven’t arrived but all this work he does to keep me bound is proof that it is grand.

  8. Lisa Lingani
    July 3, 2012

    I love you too Brea…

  9. Julie Champion
    July 3, 2012

    Love this, my friend. So proud of you and what you’re doing. This whole thing was a great idea and I love seeing it happen. I really enjoy reading your stuff!!

  10. Great post as usual bro. Identity is huge, and without identity it, it is hard to know how to function in life. I discovered my identity two years ago in June. I will never be the same. I do need reminding from time to time, and Christ seems to remind me of who I am through His body. As a matter of fact, you have reminded me of who I am! I love you brother:)

    • PopExcavators
      July 3, 2012

      Jamal you have reminded me of who I am more times than I can count. It blows my mind how all of our individual identities can be completely different but they still fit together like a puzzle. It’s a beautiful thing!

  11. JazZY
    July 3, 2012

    Dr. Excavator, I enjoy arriving here each week for enlightenment. You have another hit. Enjoy Your Holiday~J

    • PopExcavators
      July 3, 2012

      That’s it? No chapter from the memoirs? I feel cheated lol.

  12. Auntie Jan
    July 3, 2012

    You know my ultimate life song is “the greatest love of all”, by George Benson, because I learned at 14 years old that love of self is absolutely necessary if you want to be happy. It’s not as simple a concept as one might think, because there are so many situations in life that will cause you to doubt yourself and so many instances where you feel you have to alter your persona to “get along”. We all make adjustments as needed, but never forget your true love, self. As for the song, I didn’t know it was that deep. It was just a movie about addicts to me.

    • PopExcavators
      July 4, 2012

      Of course it’s deep! We at PopExcavators don’t waste our time on fluff! Haha…..

      I know how much you love that George Benson song. It’s message definitely rings true and is relevant to every human being.

  13. Trevor Honeycutt
    July 5, 2012

    Great post, and great question RC. There are so many influences that try to tell us who we are: parents, school, coaches, hollywood, etc. It’s so freeing to hear it from Jesus, and then begin to live it. That’s when life stops happening to us, and we start happening to life.

    I found my identity through a battle with depression. Looking back, the battle was really the Lord crashing all my false identities in favor of the one that He had for me.

  14. Heather
    July 5, 2012

    Identity…how we long to have one! Most of my life I found my identity in things that change–a college student, a food service worker, a receptionist, a Michigander, etc. Because my identity is found in these things, when they change, I again search or something to give me identity. This is an endless cycle unless we define ourselves by something that is unchanging. Or rather let the One who is unchanging define us. When Christ tells me who I am, there is weight to it. I can rest securely in the knowledge that this identity will not change, it may grow and morph into something more, but it doesn’t leave. It can’t be undone. There are no more quarter-life crisis’ because I no longer allow the changing world to tell me who I am or who I ‘need’ to be. The Body of Christ is essential in reminding me of my true identity. They are essential in helping drown out the noise and refocusing. Without them…well, I don’t want to think about it.

    p.s. do you miss the eyebrow ring? There are some days I miss mine…

    • PopExcavators
      July 6, 2012

      Thanks HP. I enjoy seeing you live out of your true identity instead of a false one. Oh and nah I don’t really miss the eyebrow ring. I traded it in for a tattoo habit 🙂

  15. BlackSwan
    July 5, 2012

    For those of you who say that you have found your authentic self what does that mean to you. I feel as if the world in which we live and breath gives so many definitions Of what self or image is supposed to look and feel like that it is a challenge to get to the core of who your authentic self truly is. When you found it what did it look like, feel like and how did it manifest itself into your new reality. How were you before and how we’re you after you discovered it. Being one who is currently in a relationship that lots folks don’t approve of I feel that I have to constantly fight with who people want me to be and who I feel I am. It is one of the most difficult things that I have had to deal with in my life. I am in love and the happiest that I have ever been. I have never felt so connected, so loved, so in tune, so supported in my life. Yet most don’t want to see me my relationship, hear my relationship, nor acknowledge my relationship. My love is silenced and dismissed everyday because people don’t feel that It is real or authentic. How do I compete with that?…I don’t compete with that. I had to stop and listen to my spirit and create my own definition of authenticity minus the stares, and whispers, and heart break. I have to be me. Me is becoming the fullest human being I can become and letting that shine in everything I do.

    • Black Swan-

      Thanks for asking this question.  What you are asking is vitally important.  As I read what you have shared here, a couple of thoughts come to mind.  

      First, I know what you mean when you say that the world gives us so many definitions of what ‘self’ or ‘image’ is supposed to look and feel like.  In spite of all the various definitions that the world gives us, however, there is a common denominator among them all.  They are all rooted in ‘self’.  This is a major problem that leads to brokenness, confusion, and eventually despair.  Before I found my true identity, I placed my identity in three areas that were all rooted in ‘self’.  Those three areas were, significant relationships, a specific skill / performance, and hobbies.  

      Sometimes a special relationship would come along and make me feel completed and happy. Sometimes I felt so much happiness from the relationship, that I put my identity in the feeling of happiness that the relationship brought me.  Those relationships always became unhealthy and co-dependent because I was using the other person to meet a need that was rooted in my ‘self’ (flesh). I would use those people, unintentionally, to meet a need that I had.  That is the opposite of love. Love involves giving your life away, not taking life from another.  When those relationships eventually ended, I had no more identity.  

      This same process occurred not only with co-dependent relationships, but with a skill that I wanted to be defined by, or also by my hobbies.  My skill or hobby would usually be rooted in a talent that resided in ‘self’ (flesh).  It was something that I was naturally good at.  Because this skill / hobby was my identity, however, it was never truly adequate.  I always needed to perform ‘better’ so that I could be more secure in my identity.  When that skill or hobby was no longer adequate or was taken away, my identity would be destroyed.  This cycle of brokenness continued in my life until my identity began to be found outside of ‘self’.  

      My identity outside of ‘self’ began when I caught a glimpse of a truly beautiful person.  When I say ‘beautiful’, I am not talking about any kind of beauty that my ‘self’ (flesh) recognized.  As a matter of fact, this beautiful person did not look ‘beautiful’ according to any definition of beauty that I had ever seen.  It is hard to explain in words, but I found myself being repulsed by this beautiful person while recognizing that this person was beautiful in a strange new way.  I had to lose the attachment that I had to my old understanding of beauty.  This beautiful person did not appeal to my emotions, either.  Rather, He offended my emotions quite often.  

      He was so other than what I thought I needed.  Nevertheless, the more that I saw Him & His beauty, the more that I forgot about ‘self’.  I was caught up in a whole new world which began to take my focus off of my own identity. (It’s hard to look in the mirror when you’re standing in front of the Grand Canyon) 

      Ironically, I found that this new focus caused me to become more secure, not less. My identity began to shift away from that which can be taken away with the changing of a relationship or performance, to that which is rock solid.  As you can imagine, the beautiful person that I’m talking about is Jesus.  This changed my relationships greatly as my newfound security allowed me to love others with no strings attached, and not use them for the identity that they could give to me.  I hope that makes sense.  Sorry for the long reply.              


  16. Nicole Yancey
    July 6, 2012

    I love this topic! As “Dani” said there is a Demon Cyclops named “Assimilate”. He presents a path that “seems right to man but leads unto death” (Prov. 14:12). Fear, Pride and I will add busyness are his primary tools of destruction. We are so busy assimilating it is easy to ignore the horrific stench that comes from being a dead man walking. Or it could be that there are so many who smell the same we are immune. I say “Dead Man Walking” because not being who you were created to be is death.

    I believe you have been called to the “Dead Men Walking”. Like an Ezekiel, you will/are speaking life into the “dead men walking” not only in this generation but the one before us and the one after. Like EZ was commanded to speak LIFE into that which was dead and the dry bones came alive that is what you are/will do. Check out Ez. 37:1-14. It is my absolute pleasure to work with and support you in this amazingly beautiful endeavor. You and what Christ is doing in you is inspiring. “I’m so, I’m so, I’m so, I’m so, I’m so proud of you”. LOL

  17. Alice4God
    July 6, 2012

    Great post, RC!
    I think we end up getting frustrated in the rut because we only get the polished version of Lenny Kravitz’s story, and we forget that he probably felt like he was in a rut sometimes, too. Our vision of the path is a level, straight line and real life just isn’t like that. If we can acknowledge that the occasional “rut” is part of the journey, and stay true to our identity and calling, we’ll get where we’re going with a lot less heartache and a lot more satisfaction.

    I don’t know about you, but I often enjoy the blooper reel more than the movie… if only we could learn to appreciate the future value of opportunities to grow, while we’re in the moment….

  18. Trevor Honeycutt
    July 7, 2012

    BlackSwan – You said “For those of you who say that you have found your authentic self what (1) does that mean to you. (2) I feel as if the world in which we live and breath gives so many definitions Of what self or image is supposed to look and feel like that it is a challenge to get to the core of who your authentic self truly is. (3) When you found it what did it look like, feel like and how did it manifest itself into your new reality. (4) How were you before and how we’re you after you discovered it.”

    (1) It’s one of the most important discoveries of my life. Bcs it sets me free and “authorizes” me to be the person that I know that I was created to be. It’s like a train that was taken from trying to roll down a road and put on a set of tracks. Full steam ahead!

    (2) Where our definition of “identity” comes from is the critical element in this discussion. The only place that it can come from and create freedom and purpose is from Jesus Christ, for He is the designer and creator of all humans (and all creation, for that matter).

    (3) My identity came by “revelation” from Christ’s spirit to mine over time. As I battled with depression and thoughts of self-condemnation and hopelessness, Christ would speak to my heart His words of identity like: “I created you and I love you”, “I picked you”, “you are my beloved son”, “I have good plans for you”, “I have meaningful work for you to do”, “I am always watching over you, and will see you through to the end”, etc, etc. He is still speaking these words and much, much more to me every day; and they are “words of life” that I live by.

    (4) Before – I was a selfish, self-centered, foolish, wise-in-my-own-eyes, unproductive, seeker of pleasure. All of my life was about me, and pursuing making me happy.

    After – Christ transformed (and is still transforming) me into a person who finds his life in giving it away [Matt 16:25], and finds true joy in the process. Now I “spend” my life: communing with Jesus, loving my wife, raising my children [9 of them], fellowshipping in the church, ministering to those that I might be of some help to, and working at my job.

    Jesus said “if you try to save your life, then you’ll lose it; but if you give it away for my sake, then you’ll find it”. This means that if our identity and life-pursuits are about ourselves and our own happiness (building kingdoms unto me), then it will end in death. But if our identity and life-pursuits are about being faithful sons and building His kingdom and revealing His glory in the earth, then it will manifest His abundant life for us and through us.

  19. Nicole Yancey
    July 7, 2012

    Good questions Black Swan! My answer to your questions are completely different today than they would have been Monday. This article coupled with last week’s (if you haven’t read it check it out) has made me really think about what the true core of identity and living your dream.

    My authentic self is the personification of the following: peace, healthy, whole, faith, joy, love, patience and kindness. I am healed. I have authority. I am free. An abundant life is mine for the taking. I am as bold as a lion. I am as meek as a lamb. Rivers of living water flow freely from my innermost being. <<<This is the core of all of our identities. This is the foundation from which our purpose and the rest of our identity is built. This is the ME I/we need to excavate. This is where the REAL work begins. This is the ME we should be fighting for as if our lives depended on it. This is the original blueprint of who mankind was created to be and through the second Adam we can become again. My identity is not my gender, marital status, hair, what’s in my closet, a piercing, tat, job, purpose, dream or me liking a artist that others “just don’t get”. It is not the color of my skin or my gender. Marching to the beat of my own drummer means NOTHING if I have no peace, nothing if I am “fat, sick and almost dead”, NOTHING if have no joy. NOTHING if I am bitter. NOTHING if I walk in unforgiveness. JOY doesn’t automatically with knocking things off of our bucket list. Peace doesn’t automatically come with walking in purpose. Mother Theresa was depressed, full of fear, and often joyless all while fulfilling “purpose”. Loving what you do, traveling the globe, living life of free of man made constraints IS NOTHING if the foundation of who you were created to be is cracked. All that stuff simply seeps slowly through the crevices of the cracked foundation leaving us wondering why we STILL are not full.

    We put too much effort in finding our identity externally while neglecting the foundation from where REAL life flows. I agree, society makes this thing hard to navigate BUT the real enemy is within. We busy ourselves DOING things and creating a persona while ignoring the fact that nucleus of who we are is dying. This is proven by the countless artist who end up found dead in bathrooms way to0 young in spite of lives DOING what they love. Healing is pushed to the back while we DO things. Peace, joy, faith…seep through the cracks of our foundation unnoticed while we pursuing our dreams, relationships, the next adventure. The epitome of being you is allowing yourself to become whole. Everything else should flows out of that. This is the me I trying to let roam free.

  20. jimpuntney
    July 8, 2012

    As a child of the 50’s this identity issue rings true, as a kid my early influences were , Beatles, CCR, Eric Clapton,Allman Brothers and such. In striving to import their persona into my life it left me unfulfilled . We also can make our “idols” out of “lesser men”, this too is a dry well.

    There is but one who truly is worthy of our devotion, and this person not only wants us to live like he does, he provides the way to live. Jesus came to not only make atonement, he also came to also breathe His life into your life. This my friends is the key that unlocks the door. The missing link to becoming who you really are…a child of God. In this relationship there is the freedom, liberty, and fulfillment that we all have sought, and yet haven’t found in any other thing, or person.

    As Jesus said, and I paraphrase : “come to me and I’ll give you rest, learn from me, I’m humble, and easy to get to know, my way of life is not a burden”

    I love how this blog is resonating with so many, and the depth of the responses.

    • Nicole
      July 8, 2012

      I LOVE IT Jim!! Now the question becomes for you, and everyone else that mentioned Christ being the core of our identity (including myself) then what? One may ask “I’m a believer, I have no rest, what am I doing wrong?”. So many believers stuck at the atonement portion of salvation and go no further. So what needs to change in our minds as a whole that takes us from beyond atonement to where our identity is continually being meshed with His? Clearly there is a disconnect. In Him there is peace..many have no peace. In Him there is joy, many have no joy. In Him there is rest, many have no rest. From your view point where is the identity crisis/disconnect taking place?

    • PopExcavators
      July 9, 2012

      Thanks so much for reading Jim. Thanks also for being part of the depth you referenced.

  21. jimpuntney
    July 8, 2012

    My very dear sister Nicole,
    Your thoughts resonate with me, and I treasure your openness, and honesty. This rest you speak of is often seen as illusive, or for others, yet maybe not me. In this quest to move beyond the elementary aspects of a life in Christ we need to look no further, or wonder what we must do. The answer is simple yet profound…rest in Him. Allow Christ to be your everything, listen to Him speak to you in whatever way He chooses. In this you will find as Luke stated in Acts, “in Him we move and have our being”,

    In my life I spent a great deal of time striving to find this rest, peace, and joy. All of my works left me lacking, and frustrated.

    An unveiling of Christ is the answer, one we catch a glimpse of Him all else is noise.

    You may find this link helpful, enjoy!


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